of all the things I am.

This is just an honest conversation with myself...please don't hate me.

Of all the things that I am, one of them is definitely analytical. I often see the world in black and white. Gray areas are hard on my heart. I do not lead with my emotions. But, I feel like there is a fine line (for me anyway) between analytical and cynical. I would never have known that I am so cynical, except that people point it out constantly "oh brother Emily, you're such a cynic." I am?? I guess so.
I do immediately take any love story and put in all the things that would really happen, to ruin a movie. I do boil children down to the pros and cons. I pretend to be excited about things that other people are excited about, just because I know that they would think I'm an ass if I'm not.
For instance...a friend had a baby today. Everyone in my church is all freaking out and sending out "it's a girl emails." Here's my honest response...
1. We knew it was going to be a girl-you already told us.
2. It was a planned c-section, of course you had it today...am I supposed to be surprised?
3. Everyone is born sometime.
4. You have 3 other children...
Now, I realize, that must sound like the jerkiest thought process that you have ever read, but I'm just trying to be honest. When I read it...even _I_ think it's jerky! I just don't understand how my thoughts could be so entirely different from that of everyone I've ever met or heard of. Of course, I pretend like I'm super excited for them-and I am! I'm excited that the baby is healthy, and that the mom is ok too-that's totally amazing and a blessing from God. I just don't get all like...oh I can't wait to see it, and I want to know the MINUTE it's born...I"m like...wow, I bet you're probably pretty busy-let me know by next week how it went. SEE?? Doesn't that sounds like a bitter cynic??? Tomorrow another friend is having a baby. (no seriously-she is) It's going to be a boy. I'll keep my fake surprised voice ready.

I think my mom is having a mental break-down. Tonight she started telling me stories over and over even when I was like...um..mom...you already told me that like five minutes ago. She'd say.."I did????" My brother is about to push her over the edge I swear. Pray for the expulsion hearing tomorrow!! And pray for my friend who went into the hospital today!