what a day

Today was incredibly good and sorrowful at the same time.

Good first:
guess what I did??? I sat in the sun. sigh. It was so great. I had 45 whole minutes where all I did was read and absorb sunlight. I laid in the grass and thought tan thoughts and tried to undo all the sadness of winter. There were birds, and butterflies, and squirrels, and mostly...my favorite yellow flower that grows all over our yard. Man, I love that flower. I want my picture taken surrounded by it. It was good. Really good.

But, underneath it all was the knowledge that my favorite little student is in critical condition at Children's Hospital. The doctor's have a hopeful prognosis, but I still wept and prayed for her. God. Do not let the darkness take away this sweet soul. She is a beautiful, innocent, little red-headed girl, and I will not be able to enter my classroom the same way if I know that she is never returning. Her classmates are too young to experience this. Spare them Lord. I'm not trying to sound mellow-dramatic. But, what do you say to a group of students who are looking to you for stability, when you would like to weep with them? Heal her God. I know you can!

Today is my brother's 17th birthday. That is completely scary. That makes me 7 years older than 17 year olds. Which could quite possibly qualify me as "old" very soon. I don't know how to be a grown-up version of me.