whew...

So, the art show finally happened...after months of preparation and planning and organizing, and one night where I couldn't sleep at all...it happened, and it went off with out a problem! One of my singers got terribly ill half way through...no problem, two others jumped on the mic. I broke off the key in the door-no problem-someone else will deal with it. I ran out of white lights-(can't be bought outside of Christmas time) and everyone donated lots of them!
It was really great! At least 100 people came, and 99% of the people that told me they'd be there were indeed there. I think we barely broke even on the costs, but that's a good lesson. Next time we'll just charge 2 bucks to get in. I think everyone really enjoyed the work, the food, the music, the atmosphere...everyone stayed for a long time, so that was encouraging!
It was kind of surreal to have 3 friends from Taylor, 2 friend from IWU, my entire church, a few friends from high school, 1 friend from Purdue, and one set of old "ex's" parents there...but I think I handeled it pretty well! I didn't even stress while I was there. Hooray!
Then we went to Kaldi's all together and got a private room to laugh loudly in :) It was fun to have my different world's collide, and to have all these people put names with faces.

BUT. Now it's over, and my world is feeling a tiny bit void of meaning. It's not even about the art show-it's about filling your sad mind with things and details that you "have" to get done, and then those details being gone. I'm incredibly aware of the emptiness, and how I have very few thoughts to fill it with. No thoughts of value anyways. It's about swallowing the fact that I sometimes desire my life to take a different shape than it is. It's about realizing that you are messed up, and there are paralyzing fears that you are amazingly good at avoiding. That your room is empty, and you're tired of 1 million things. Realizing that you would rather plan art shows forever than teach how to make castles to 4th graders tomorrow. That you are too tired to make anymore congruent thoughts. That you can't remember not being tired.

It was a great weekend. A very very good, bike riding, forehand frisbee throwing, warm weathered, friend filled, sad-to-end weekend. I shouldn't be allowed to have good things. I don't know what to do when they end.

(end over the top drama feeling here.)