friend convo.

The thoughts that follow a conversation, as concepts begin to sink in are often I feel the ones that matter. Here are my thoughts following a conversation this evening.
I was thinking about a conversation tonight, and although I disagree with my friend on some major things-I will agree to disagree on those things, and join him in the fact that he IS smart to keep a purposeful distance from people at certain times in your life. I'm not sure that means a cold and calculated distance, but definitely a distance. I realized as we talked that I don't really try to keep people at bay...(ok, maybe a few creepy nerdy guys) But, otherwise, I create this special place in my life and heart for each one of my friends, and expect that they are doing the same for me. It's like I assume our friendship will just continue to get deeper and deeper the longer we know each other. However, perhaps this is not the way that things really work in the world. I can look at my life and see a pattern of people that I should NOT have carved out a place for, but because that's what I always do...they got a place, and then really hurt me. Even when I saw the hurt coming a million miles away, I didn't know what to do, since I had already let them in. So, I think it's a good exercise in discipline for me to be a "co-worker" for the kingdom, and for art with people, but not to expect that they are going to know every last little quirk about me. I have a personality such that I work very hard to be open with people, and I have a deep desire to know, and be known. I need to learn how to make sure I am satisfied with the fact that Jesus knows me, and to have a desire to know Him through and through. Looking for acceptance in all areas of who I am from other people is super dumb. There are simply areas in everyone's life that aren't all that great, and looking for other people to affirm them will not make me feel better. Seeking the Lord's love is like the most amazing thing ever, and yet I continually seek out friends in a flesh form first. No wonder I get hurt.