I wonder?

I wonder if I will be different when I return to Cincinnati? I feel different now. I have lived so many places that people I love have never seen or dreamed of. I have met people from all corners of the world, and seen that the way the United States does it is not always the best way. I have learned what I am not good at, and been sad to continue in bad habits through my life. I wonder if those habits will change? I wonder if I will learn how to love people, serve God, and not be a stress case. Will I ever learn to hold my tongue? Will I ever take the pieces of these cultures that I love, and learn to put them into my own life? I hope so.

My friend Sharon was in the hospital this week. Her experiences defy explanation. They missed her veins so many times she was covered in bruises, and one IV pumped the liquid into her arm instead of her veins, so she pulled it out herself as her arm swelled up twice its normal size. The final verdict was that she did drugs, and brought on her own seizure...doesn't seem to matter that she didn't do drugs. They tied her to a bed all night one night and she tried to chew her arm restraints off. I went to go visit her, and I have no way to process all of this. No one who understands the choking sensation I get when I think of hospitals, or the blood that was on the wall that they never washed off. I sometimes wonder if all of this will land on my shoulders in one big heap.

I love it here and I hate it here.